So, Amelia has been at nursery for a few weeks now. I think its fair to say I totally underestimated how it would feel to go back to my old routine, although its slightly different now Amelia is here. Mornings are run with military precision (well as much as they can be) and evenings don't start for me until she's in her cot sleeping, but other than that, the going to work, my job, colleagues, etc have all stayed the same.
I ring nursery everyday (she only goes 2 days a week though) at lunch time to check she's having a good day, how she's coping, blah, blah blah and today was a relief to say the least. I normally ask about naps, nappies and food and thank them for putting up with my calls and hang up but today I actually thought about the call before I made it and wrote a couple of things down that I wanted to ask them (why is now I'm a Mummy I am unable to remember anything for a few minutes and have to rely on copious amounts of post it notes stuck here there and everywhere?) so, I ring and spoke to one of the girls (who is used to me ringing now) and she went through in detail Amelia's morning. She is having a really good day, she is eating more, being offered savoury and sweet at both meal times, lots of water throughout the day (one of my questions was this) and although her solid nappies are rather unsolid-like, she seems to be getting the hang of this nursery malarkey and taking it in her stride. That's my girl.
It feels weird that she is coping without me, good weird, but weird none the less. Today the nursery staff have given me the confidence that I am doing the right thing by sending her there and that she is safe, well and above all else - happy. To me, as long as she's happy, I'm happy and that's all that truly matters.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Second trip to hospital in 6 months..
Amelia has had a cold for a few days now but has caught a cough to go with it. For the past couple of days she has been coughing a fair bit, until she almost chokes and last night she did it again but didnt take a breath straight afterwards. I went into total panic mode (which is surprising as I'm normally the calm one in a crisis) but thankfully James was calm and helped me. We rang NHS Direct for some advice as I was unsure of what the right thing to do was when a baby starts to choke. Anyway they put me through to a nurse who wanted her to be checked over by a doctor (for chest infection etc) so sorted out a call to the out of office doctor for us, who rang us back within 10 minutes. I was feeding Amelia at the time so James spoke to him and then said "Get her dressed, we need to get her checked over at the hospital". I was relieved that somebody was going to check her over (I hate worrying about her when she's poorly) but it reminded me so much of when we had to take her to hospital when she was just 4 days old and refused to feed. I now officially hate hospitals.
Anyway, after a 2 hour wait we were seen and checked over by a lovely nurse and then a very lovely health visitor. We were given cream for the sore bit she has under her neck but her chest, ears and eyes are all okay. She had a whole body check over which was very reassuring.
We got home completely exhausted and went to bed around 11pm. Amelia continued to cough a bit but nothing as bad as before and didnt choke or cough up any nasties but had to have several hugs and cuddles from Mummy through out the night.
Being a Mummy is the most rewarding but the hardest thing I have ever done. I hope the good, rewarding times out weigh the bad and scary moments from now on. xx
Anyway, after a 2 hour wait we were seen and checked over by a lovely nurse and then a very lovely health visitor. We were given cream for the sore bit she has under her neck but her chest, ears and eyes are all okay. She had a whole body check over which was very reassuring.
We got home completely exhausted and went to bed around 11pm. Amelia continued to cough a bit but nothing as bad as before and didnt choke or cough up any nasties but had to have several hugs and cuddles from Mummy through out the night.
Being a Mummy is the most rewarding but the hardest thing I have ever done. I hope the good, rewarding times out weigh the bad and scary moments from now on. xx
Monday, 2 March 2009
So, I'm now back to working for a living....
To be honest, I'm not sure if I like it either! Actually, that's a bit of a fib, but it is a very weird feeling being back in the office after concentrating on being pregnant and then looking after Amelia for the past 7 months.
So today is my second week back at work and I'm feeling okay about things. It is still very hard to say goodbye to Amelia in the mornings when she goes off with Daddy to nursery/Aunty Kat's, so I try not to say goodbye at all, as the word alone is enough to tip me over the edge into soppy Mummy mode. Instead, I say "have a good day/have fun sweetheart" as I genuinely want her to have a good day without me. I want her to be able to adapt to different situations, different people and feel confident and happy in other people's company. I know its going to be good for her development. Learning to play independently and with other babies of the same age is going to be really good for her when she goes to school. We are hoping it will give her the confidence to go to school and be without us for the day, as she'll have had a couple of years of that at nursery beforehand.
However, even though that is all well and good, there is still a huge black cloud of guilt that hangs over my head by not being with her full time. At the end of the day, sadly. all boils down to the fact that the mortgage has to be paid, the bills have to be paid and we have become comfortable with the lifestyle we have (not that its rich or anything, just comnfortable) and this is the life we want for us and for Amelia. Monday's are very hard. I end up walking to work and being alone with my thoughts of "what if James could earn more money so I could work less and be with Amelia more" or "what if we carried on renting instead of buying a house with a HUGE mortgage to pay every month" or "what if we waited until we had more money before having her". I know its natural to feel that way and I wouldnt change her for the world - she has added so much more fulfilment to our lives that I could ever imagine but I just want the best for her and in my eyes, that's spending time with me (or at least family) and I cant give her all that just yet.
I am ringing the nursery once a day at lunch time to find out how she's doing and today she is okay, a bit grizzly but nowhere near as bad as last Monday, so I'm hoping she is on her way to adapting to our new routine that we both have to get used to. Its hard, really hard thinking about her and worrying about her but with a new promotion at work, I am trying to keep my mind busy with other things.
Another thing I have found incredibly difficult is keeping up together with the housework chores. I am working extra hours during the week so I can leave early on a Friday, which means when I get home in the evenings, all I really have time for is cooking the evening meal. Amelia's bedtime routine means she's in bed sleeping by 8.30pm but I'm knackered by then and want to relax until bedtime. If only we could afford a cleaner - that would be so good!
So today is my second week back at work and I'm feeling okay about things. It is still very hard to say goodbye to Amelia in the mornings when she goes off with Daddy to nursery/Aunty Kat's, so I try not to say goodbye at all, as the word alone is enough to tip me over the edge into soppy Mummy mode. Instead, I say "have a good day/have fun sweetheart" as I genuinely want her to have a good day without me. I want her to be able to adapt to different situations, different people and feel confident and happy in other people's company. I know its going to be good for her development. Learning to play independently and with other babies of the same age is going to be really good for her when she goes to school. We are hoping it will give her the confidence to go to school and be without us for the day, as she'll have had a couple of years of that at nursery beforehand.
However, even though that is all well and good, there is still a huge black cloud of guilt that hangs over my head by not being with her full time. At the end of the day, sadly. all boils down to the fact that the mortgage has to be paid, the bills have to be paid and we have become comfortable with the lifestyle we have (not that its rich or anything, just comnfortable) and this is the life we want for us and for Amelia. Monday's are very hard. I end up walking to work and being alone with my thoughts of "what if James could earn more money so I could work less and be with Amelia more" or "what if we carried on renting instead of buying a house with a HUGE mortgage to pay every month" or "what if we waited until we had more money before having her". I know its natural to feel that way and I wouldnt change her for the world - she has added so much more fulfilment to our lives that I could ever imagine but I just want the best for her and in my eyes, that's spending time with me (or at least family) and I cant give her all that just yet.
I am ringing the nursery once a day at lunch time to find out how she's doing and today she is okay, a bit grizzly but nowhere near as bad as last Monday, so I'm hoping she is on her way to adapting to our new routine that we both have to get used to. Its hard, really hard thinking about her and worrying about her but with a new promotion at work, I am trying to keep my mind busy with other things.
Another thing I have found incredibly difficult is keeping up together with the housework chores. I am working extra hours during the week so I can leave early on a Friday, which means when I get home in the evenings, all I really have time for is cooking the evening meal. Amelia's bedtime routine means she's in bed sleeping by 8.30pm but I'm knackered by then and want to relax until bedtime. If only we could afford a cleaner - that would be so good!
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