Lavender and Chocolate...

Is all a girl needs to make her feel better.  Today has been a really hard day for me.  I have had such an upbeat and positive week or so but today has been so difficult.

I was already in a grumpy mood after being woken up at 9am but a stupid colleague calling my work mobile.  He didn't leave a voicemail, so I was even more annoyed not knowing what he wanted.  I texted to say I was on maternity leave and didn't appreciate him calling early in the morning and waking me up! I didn't even get an apology! So the day didn't start too well.

Then I had my 39 week midwife appointment which made me feel even worse.  She told me she was going on holiday for 2 week from Monday, which would be fine normally, but I'm due on Sunday and have always had all my appointments with her.  So next week I have to see a Doctor for my Ante-Natal appointment and not a proper midwife.  Thanks for that.  Then, to upset me even further, she told me that I will not be able to have a sweep (to hurry labour along) until I'm 9 days over due.  Then I'll be put in the diary for induction "when they have a free space" so potentially I could go a full 2 weeks over due and have a possible 9-9.5lb baby, which for my first could mean assisted delivery or even a C Section.

After all that rubbish, I came home and cried my eyes out and haven't really stopped crying since.  Thankfully James cooked dinner and I've got my lavender warm wheaty bag on my achy tummy and a hot chocolate to make me feel better.

You need to stay in now little bean...

All I really wanted whilst being on maternity leave was a couple of weeks or so resting, relaxing, nesting and socialising.  I was hoping for at least 2 weeks at home and then perhaps she'd come on the third week (this week) and then we'd have some nice time together with her Daddy.  Now, its all a bit different and I find myself for the first time in weeks hoping and praying she isn't about to make an appearance.

Unfortunately James' Nan had a stroke 2 weeks ago and it is looking more and more likely that she isn't going to recover from it.  So Saturday, we're going to brave the M25 and the 2-3 hour journey and go see her.  The worrying thing is that something will happen on the way there or the way back.   I was led in bed worrying about it last night.  There is no way James would be able to deliver a baby on the motorway but worse, there is no way I'd be able to cope without pain relief!  We're going to take my notes and bags etc, but I am still incredibly nervous.  Still, he's my husband and there is no way in this world I could let him go alone.

Bean if you can hear me, you need to stay put a few more days sweetheart, just so Mummy and Daddy can visit your Great Nanny Peggy.  Please do not go putting your Mummy through anything whilst we're away from home.

The worst thing is, she's totally and fully engaged, I've been getting niggles for the past couple of days and today I have really bad backache, all of which I know are quite possible signs.  Fingers crossed she's not in a hurry to make an appearance as the alternative is just too much to even bare thinking of.

The Waiting Game....

Okay, I am all for a bit of me time during maternity leave, but this is the end of my second week off and I'm rather hoping that Bean is going to make an arrival sooner rather than later.  I feel I am wasting time on my own at home when I could be spending time getting to know our baby.

I think the worse thing is that all the cleaning and tidying I want to do seems like such a huge effort now and all I am really capable of doing is resting and relaxing, which is great, I know I should be making the most of it blah blah blah, but that doesn't make it more interesting or less boring does it?

I must go through all our stuff in the nursery at least once a day, praying for the day to come soon when she'll be able to wear the pretty outfits we've brought her and play with the toys that are eagerly awaiting in their boxes all new and shiny.

Saying that, the other side of me is getting quite anxious now and every time I feel a twinge or a ache/pain, I start thinking "Oh God, what if this is it?" "Am I ready for labour?" and get a bit panicky about it all! I can't win can I?  I think its normal to feel that level of anticipation though.

So Bean, please come soon, but before you do, give mum a few warning signs....! 

Second Week of Maternity Leave....

So this is week two of maternity leave and I have to say, I'm rather enjoying it!  Although last week was spent poorly sick in bed due to a really bad tummy bug (imagine me screaming at a midwife in the delivery suite down the phone insisting I was in early labour!) I am much more enjoying this week.  So far I have spent more money than I should have, baked some nice oat cookies, had some lie ins, finished a good book (the secret life of the slummy mummy - really recommend it) and had lots and lots of afternoon naps and lazy bubble baths.

However, I am now 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant and totally ready for this baby to come out and meet us.  I had a midwife appointment today, no issues (I'm so lucky to be having such a good pregnancy) and baby is engaged, so she is all ready to go!  I just have to convince her that its okay to come out any time now, I'm ready and raring to go.

Birth is quite a scary thought.  I know I have to do it, I know its going to hurt but I don't know when its going to start and I don't know how I'm going to cope, so its more like a fear of the unknown, which I suppose is worse than actually knowing.  All I know is that I'm lucky to have a really supportive husband who is great at rubbing my back, so I'm sure he'll make me feel lots better when the time comes.

From this weekend, I am starting "Operation Baby Out!" and will be doing everything I can think of to get her out!  If you have any ideas or tried and tested methods.... answers on a postcard please....!

I'm officially a lady of leisure (for a few months anyway!)

So, maternity leave is here and how weird does it feel?!  Good weird obviously and a relief but still weird all the same.  I thought I would really love the fact that I wouldn't have to go into the office for months and months but actually, I feel like I'm missing out on something.  I know as soon as Bean arrives, my priorities will change and I shall want to be with her and not worry about work in the slightest.

Work were great on my last day and presented me with a lovely present (a bouncing rocker chair type thingy) and a card signed by all.  My boss gave a thoughtful speech and told them all that I would be back and doing a few keeping in touch days, which was nice for them to know.

Baby is doing well.  Moving quite a bit, which is fun because I can watch my tummy making all sorts of shapes, weird but reassuring too.  She has moved down to be 1/5 engaged, which is all good news, she's moving in the right direction!

Here is me this week

I am now 35+4 weeks pregnant.  Can't believe that baby could be here in a week!  Although, knowing my luck, she wont be here for 5!  We are both so ready to meet our little baby girl, I simply cannot wait to hold her in my arms.