So Amelia is here and we reach day four, which nobody could have prepared us for. She wasn't feeding well at all and with conflicting advice from the midwives we were left confused and worried about our little girl.
Sorry, let me explain properly.... I am trying to breast feed my little girl. I know its the best thing for her, I know of all its benefits, but that doesn't make it easy or "natural" as people think it is. In fact, once your milk comes in on day four, it can be hard work, painful and a bit of a nightmare.
Amelia started to refuse my breast. She screamed, she cried, she worked herself up into a state and she got all red faced and upset. We didn't want to give her formula, I had it in my mind it was evil and I would be failing my daughter by not feeding her myself, not to mention the fact that James, my husband wanted me to breast feed probably more than I did, still he wouldn't, he wasn't going through the pain or the stress of it not working. By Thursday night, she had been sleeping constantly for over 9 hours and was refusing breast, expressed milk from a bottle and formula. We tried everything to get her to feed, even washing her hair that we knew would make her cry and wake her up but nothing worked. I was chatting to my friend online who is a children's nurse who had told me she'd have taken her to A&E by now, so James made the decision that we couldn't wait any longer and had to go to the hospital. I was so scared for my precious little girl. We knew we'd have problems feeding, all babies do, but I didn't think she wouldn't feed at all.
The hospital checked her over and wanted to admit us to SCBU, the children's ward and the Registar wanted to keep her over night and take some bloods. When we went up to the ward for bloods, they pricked her heel and started to squeeze the blood out of her tiny little baby foot. I have never heard my baby girl scream and cry so much. I was a total wreck and felt the tears fall from my eyes, down my cheeks and onto the bed where she lay in agony being squeezed and upset by this Doctor. I know it had to be done, I know it was necessary but I cannot describe the feeling of wanting to protect my daughter and stop the pain she was feeling. I don't think the Doctor saw me crying, but James squeezed my hand to reassure me.
Luckily the bloods came back fine, she wasn't poorly at all and by then she'd drunk some of the 2oz bottle we'd taken with us. A lovely nurse on the ward helped us with our latch, which she still wouldn't do without shields but I managed to express 3oz and seeing as she drunk a lot of it whilst we were there, they allowed us to take her home and not stay in. There was no way in the world I could have left my daughter in that hospital. We have been together for 9 months of pregnancy and 4 days of being in this world and I couldn't have left her side.
Thankfully she has been feeding good ever since, but I had no idea how strong our bond was until this day. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for my daughter and I know this bond we have will only get stronger, each and everyday she's here.
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